The Dog House

This afternoon I ran into a neighbour while walking the dog. The weather was cold and wet - something between very wet snow and slushy rain fell on our faces and the chill wind kept our hands in our pockets. We hiked through mud and deep boggy puddles of black goo. We hiked for two hours - both of us knew a lot about being out in the woods and not going back to the house. But I didn't realize that yet.

Her dogs were unruly and poorly trained. They barked at everything and leapt about. They were a constant demand on her time. Why would she want to put up with such an irritation?

My friend has 6 children, now in their late teens and early adulthood. Her husband works hard and makes a good living, while she stays at home and manages the house. They have recently moved into a large and beautiful home, but one without a basement.

Now nobody wants three muddy and noisy dogs in the house, not even her. So she put up a shed in the back yard for the dogs to live in. And then she put a chair, a light and a heater in the shed. And now she spends every evening in the shed with a blanket over her knees and her favourite novel in her lap, so the dogs "won't be so lonely."

What is wrong with this picture?

Finally it all came tumbling out. Her husband's other children, the yelling, the fights, the violence, the police. She has endured all that, but she is still hanging in, hopeful and caring for her family, spending each evening out in the shed with her dogs, doing what she has to do to survive. Out there she is the mistress of her dog house, there is no one to harass her and complain that she did not get it right.

... so she spends her evenings in the doghouse.

She explained all this to me with a cheerful voice, but full of questions - were women really created to be servants, wouldn't it be better to live alone all one's life and never marry, be a servant or remain single, what do you think?

I recognized her voice, her questions, her cheerfulness, because it used to be mine. It's pretty normal isn't it - to spend your evenings in a quiet place with those who love you most. Don't you think?

This isn't fiction, who would invent a story like this?

Today's young women are disillusioned with their mother's inability to sustain marriages.

This morning I read this quote above from Mary Kassian on Gender Blog. I want to tell the untold stories, the stories that won't be told.

Men have their own stories, but I don't know those stories as well. I just get a glimpse once in a while. Here is one story I do know and have written.