Monday, December 24, 2007

Taking the lid off the pickle jar

Okay, I am thoroughly dense. I thought the pickle jar thing was a joke - right. But maybe not. I read Gender Blog today and just about cried for all those biblical women stuck in the kitchen with a 20 pound turkey and a flock of whining and tired little children around them on the floor, while their husbands live out biblical manhood in front of the telly. Praise God, I grew up in a home without a TV.

But then this line,
    Finally, recognize that if there were only one gender you might never extract pickles from a jar.
Okay, I am going to say it straight out. If there was only one gender we would be missing sex and children, but not the pickles.

So, here is how to open a pickle jar, ladies. Eat brocoli!

What I mean is that you should take the wide blue elastic band which comes on the brocoli, and stretch it out until it fits around the lid of the pickle jar. Now grip the lid making sure the elastic band does not slip off. Turn, and open.

If extra inducement is needed, turn the bottle upside down and bang it on the counter, or bang it sideways on the counter, denting the lid slightly - you are not going to use the lid again when this jar is empty. You can also hold the jar under steaming hot water from the tap. The heat expands the metal in the lid but does not expand the glass jar, so the lid loosens.

Remember that wearing gloves makes any job which requires manual strength easier. Gloves aren't great for playing the piano, though. I should make that clear.

Okay, these are several good solid ways to assist in opening a pickle jar. You do not have to swear away your life in unilateral submission to the male to get the pickle jar open. Now, focus on all the sweet and lovely reasons why you may actually want a man in your life!


Suzanne McCarthy said...

PS Any wide thick elastic band will do.

Kevin Knox said...

I don't often really laugh as I read posts, especially not while wanting to cry for women burdened with such men, but this was hilarious. Have you perhaps found the defining message of your ministry? You know, the one sermon people ask you to preach over and over?

And I'm only about 5% kidding. I can see the banner logo with brocolli on one side and a TV on the other.

The hilarious part, though, was completely sincere.

Suzanne McCarthy said...

Um, how to open pickle jars, change lightbulbs, and so on.

Thank goodness I have been salvifically preserved from knowing any men who watch sports on TV on Christmas Day. I wonder if the gender blog is just a spoof or if they really are scraping the bottom of the pickle barrel.

Kevin Knox said...

Merry Christmas, Suzanne!

Anonymous said...

that's a really useful info..i have been fighting with my pickle jar since afternoon and now made a dent with hammer and opened in seconds...


Anonymous said...


Suzanne McCarthy said...

Amazing, eh?